Magpie Journals 14: Joy is Protest

I have been negotiating my relationship with the online world and the real world for the past year. It has been a battle to find a balance between peace and keeping my writing in front of others.

It’s hard. I don't enjoy social media. I get sucked in anyway. Yes, I enjoy making connections, but the most genuine of those have come out of specific community groups and not the wild, wild, web. Through my negotiations, I have figured out where I feel best suited to being and where I do not. I was starting to feel ok. I was making plans to open up more, and be a little bit more intentionally online. 

Then, last week happened. The internet erupted into a mix of condescending smugness and absolute despair. I woke up, cried, deleted apps from my phone, and went on to have a pretty rough day overall. 

In the days since things have gotten better. By better, I mean mostly tolerable. I have my communities, curling a little of puff joy in my heart. Friends from all over were coming together in the smallest ways, expressing their grief, despair, rage, and resolution. We found commiseration, and resolve in each other. We found laughter in our grief, and we recognized openly that we still have each other for whatever the future may bring. 

I realized joy is a form of protest. 

I’ve always tried not to be an example of toxic positivity. I’ve fought hard to be mostly positive for myself and work hard to find shreds of light when and where I can. I recognize we need space for fear, grief, and rage. I know some people need to make very real plans for how they are going to live in the coming years. I know my life plans have changed in some big ways that I will be processing. 

That doesn’t mean we can’t find specks of joy. I’m not talking joy out of spite, I’m talking joy for the sake of joy. It’s your favorite sweater, it’s your cup of coffee, the sweet treat you save for payday. I'm reminding us of genuine moments of individual joy and happiness that aren’t screaming from the barricade. The moments we fight for are big and small. Right now, I think I need to start from the small. When we find the small joys, we create a cushion around our hearts.

If I need this reminder, others probably do.

This joy is a powerful protest because it’s the kind that seeps into your bones. It strengthens your resolve, and it grounds you. 

Existence is full of pain, it is full of difficulty. It is also full of happiness, love, and wonder. Everything feels scary right now. That doesn’t mean we let it be only scary. 

Magpie is part of my individual joy. As I continue here, what I focus on may not be timely. It’s what I’m ready for at any given moment. While I renegotiate my plans for the coming months with a limited social media presence and a bigger writing presence, I hope my version of joy brings others escape, comfort, or resolve when it can. 

I’ll be on Discord in the Podcasting Community in the meantime. I hope to write more of these more personal thoughts soon. Subscriptions for now will still be monthly and free. 

Find my email on the info page, find me on Discord, and dig into your community. We need each other.